Not good enough

During my final year of high school, I had no future dreams of going to university. I wanted to travel; I wanted to relax; and above all, I wanted to dabble in the art of acting, not academia. Thus the majority of my nights were spent watching television, going to a considerable amount of raging 18th birthday parties, or surpassing my previous high scores on Mario Kart.

However, when my statement of results came through, and I saw they were of a satisfactory standard, I instantly regretted not applying for university. I came to realise the truth: I hadn’t thought I was intelligent enough to be accepted.

Today, as I sat and chatted with a relatively new university friend of mine, we got to talking of whether we were happy in our courses. I admitted that I had never been to any university ‘open day’, and only applied to go during my gap year, and that sometimes I wished I’d chosen to study journalism at another certain institution.

Her eyes narrowed with thought, and she commented that one needs a rather high ATAR for that particular course. I nodded in placid agreement, but could perceive even before she opened her mouth that she was about to ask me that dreaded - ‘I don’t mean to pry, but what was your score?’  - question. 

Although she tried, she could not veil her utter surprise upon hearing my answer. Only minutes ago was she announcing that I would most definitely be in Hufflepuff if I were a Harry Potter character.

I guess, in a way, it was one of the reasons I decided to start writing here. To prove to myself and anyone willing to listen that I’m more than just the ditzy girl I seem to be. And also… that I’m a badass at Mario Kart.